Monday, September 18, 2006

Drunken Mohammed

Mohammed is a drunk and we all know this. And when he drinks he is mean and nasty. I lie in bed awake at night, afraid, and I pray to God someone will stop Mohammed some day. And sure enough, one day, a miracle. My prayers are answered. The brave Pope calls out to a drunken Mohammed and tells him to stop beating on us. But Mohammed’s enablers – the New York Times, etc. - chime in. They tell the Pope that he should be quiet.

Drunken Mohammed's enablers say that the Pope was either “stupid” or ill-advised to speak as he did about Islam. We all know, afterall, that Mohammed is an alcoholic and will beat us to a pulp if we so much as whisper his name when he’s in a state. And he’s often in a state. We know better than to "poke the snake." The snake bites, especially when he’s drunk. And he is often drunk.

The Pope should apologize and we should all go upstairs to our rooms and quietly shut our doors and not come down again until we promise not to whisper, or giggle, or bat our eyes at Mohammed. For he is the King, the Ruler, the Almighty - the maker of all the rules. And we must not make him mad. No. No. No. The enablers tell Mohammed that the Pope is sorry, so sorry. They do not defend the Pope. Nor do they tell Mohammed to back off. They say that next time the Pope will be better, we all will be better. We will not offend again.

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